Day 108

Holy cow its been awhile. It seems like from about mid may our lives have been a bit of a blur. Danny's boss has been training him to run one of the stores, so about once a week he drives out past Connell for about a 12 hour day then drives home very exhausted. By the end of the day, I miss him and my minion (my yellow jeep). His truck doesn't run as well as the jeep on highways and the interstate. So on these days he takes the jeep and I get the truck. The speedometer doesn't work in the truck....so basically I drive holding my breath for seven minutes praying that I understand the tachometer correctly.

My lovely parents threw us a engagement BBQ for all the families to mingle. I can not stress enough how proud I was of all 4 of them. I can count on one hand how many times they have been in a social situation together and acknowledged one another. I think this proves to me that their love for me is beyond anything else they may have gone through. My friends even made comments of how proud they were, such a blessed day for me. For the most part, Danny's family fit right in too. After all the guests left my dad, mom, Tona (second mom) and Dev (second dad) Danny and my little sister Lindsey all sat in the backyard until 11:15 pm just chatting like old friends. I must add the Lindsey, Danny and I did not get to do much of the talking. Our conversations were through glances at one another.

Last week I got old. Well 23 really isnt that old but I feel like an old soul with a kid heart. I had a special day, we were house sitting for my mom so we had her lovely home and pool all to ourselves. My best friend Holly had a spodie which if you haven't had one of her concoctions you haven't had anything yet. We picked up our baby girl Eren and the four of us swam until the wee hours of the morning. I got everything I asked for, aside from world peace; And in getting everything I asked for I knew I couldn't deny that I wasn't an adult any longer. Thats right, I got a Costco card for my birthday. Holla!

The kids at work even treated me to extra hugs and loves in the form of cards and songs. I was only their for a bit but they made it special. Some parents even sang to me. I must be appreciated when the parents dust off their voices to sing to me at 6am!

Last week we sent off our invitations. It was fun because we really hadn't done anything wedding related in quite some time. So far we have heard back in regards to about 30% of people invited. For it being a week ago I would say that is good!

Danny and I put an offer on a house as well. Though we are still waiting to hear a verdict on the situation, it is always fun to plan on all things our first house will see. We have until February to find the right one, luckly we have time.

I finished my quarter of school about mid June and boy did it feel great. I had been going to classes for a year straight and I was feeling the burn out. The great news is I only have 5 classes left and then I am done! Let me throw that out there again, 5 classes!! I know I am way behind in my schooling for my age group but when I look back at the last 5 years of my life I can honestly say that I am glad that I stuck with it.

Treat after my last final!

Lets recap: In the next calendar year I will
 1. Get married
 2. By a house
 3. Graduate!

I have to include that I have been running. I promised myself I would not go all bride-diet crazy but the truth is my dress is too pretty to shove chunk into. Also, after my grandma passed away running has been my mental health saving grace. The alterations lady at Davids Bridal didn't seem to pleased with me though when I told her that I had lost some inches. Nothing monumental, when I was 19 I lost 60 pounds in two months. Nothing that insane, just changing somethings. She told me that I have until August 11th to loose then I need to stop. So my plan is from now until then (basically a month) run two-a-days then on August 11th drop down to 1 work out a day.

I got one of the most special gifts from one of my favorite people, Angela. Angela got me a necklace that is a beautiful gold color with the word "Soeur" which in french means "sister." Not only does the word itself mean so much but she then told me that she had a matching one. How sweet is she! Danny and I went for frozen yogurt the other day and the girl who was ringing up our treats noticed it and asked me what it meant. When I explained the word she said your sister must love you. I said it was from my soon to be sister in law, and she clutched at her heart and looked at me and said "you're in" with a wink. When Danny and I were dating I was always afraid Angela didn't like me, because we lived with their mom. So glad I was wrong.

As of now we are starting to wind back into wedding planning, well really we have no choice. Work has been pretty steady and now that we are breaking from school we can focus on this task. Which is good because with so many pregnant women around (right now I know 9) we have added a lot of names to our baby possibility list
 and taken a lot off. People should know when I mentally claim a name for my fictional baby!

 Wedding first! :)

Snoop paint is the best app around

Danny and I goofing around, prehair cut!

Snap chat with my sister on 4th of July

Grumpy cat

real cat

Day 164

Yesterday we got a lot of wedding stuff accomplished. We ordered the stamps for the invitations. We also ordered the shoes for the groom, his vest to match his suit and all the shirts for the gentlemen. We are still looking at dresses for our lovely flower girl along with a shirt for our fun ring bearer. I have also been working on my "something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue." I have my something old, my grandpa some of my grandmas pearls. Pearls and emeralds are my favorite when it comes to the jewelry department. He said some of them could be old enough that my grandma's grandma could have worn them! That is so special to me, my grandma, great grandma and great great grandma won't be at my wedding but I will have a piece of them with me. If you have any ideas for the rest of the "somethings" let me know. I have seen where girls take something blue of their dads and sew it into their dress. I have a lot of family to include so I am still searching.

Day 167

I think that after the service everything really hit me. I entered a stage of grieving where I became angry at everyone, I took everything wrong and to heart. It felt like being a teenager again. I had an 8 hour panic attack the day after. I couldn't calm down. The two weeks following have been my own personal hell. I have been fighting with everyone and cant seem to find my forgiveness. My counselor assures me that I am allowed to feel this way, I have been reading this book on grieving that has been helping me understand why I am going through these different stages. As I am writing this on mother's day I am struggling a bit. 

Luckily, Danny is so patient when I get crazy. We started running, and I can't tell you how much that has helped. Not just my cognitive abilities but my fitness and mood are all soaring above where they have been since before Christmas. Danny is a genius. 

All of the girls have picked their bridesmaid dresses. They all look spectacular. We also hit the 6 month mark. We have been settling a lot of little things lately. Mainly about parties and clothing. Though I am getting excited this is a lot more work than I ever expected. Which is why we wanted a casual small wedding. I know it will be a lovely time it has just gotten so much bigger than we ever planned. Most of the invites are addressed and we are just waiting on the postage to make it in. 

Our toasting champagne flutes came in

This is part of the centerpieces, they will surround the chalkboard wine bottles. 

Day 185

My grandma's service was about a week after her death. It was bittersweet. Though I thought my cousin Holly did a wonderful playing the piano. She made a medley of lots of different songs. It was beautiful, i had been avoiding certain songs after my grandma passed away, and actually Holly played most of them. She played Let it Be by the Beatles which are one of my favorite bands. This is the point where I started crying, I guess I wasn't expecting the song. She also played Hallelujah which is one song that just kept creeping into my thoughts in the week between. My other cousin Cristy wrote the eulogy. I think she did a wonderful job as well. It would have been hard to write something meaningful but not too long then read it in a room of people who are sad without getting emotional. My grandpa definitely asked the right person to do the job, Cristy is very good at being objective. 

There were some things about the memorial that bothered me, but it could be because I was overly sensitive given the circumstances. 

At the end of the day of the memorial, as we were taking off our nice clothes and climbing into bed, Danny told me he wished he would have made his move on me sooner, so he could have been in the family sooner. "Your grandma sounds like an incredible person, like someone i've never known anyone to be like, she is someone I would have very much liked to meet." Bittersweet. 

Day 191

This post will not be about the wedding, instead it will be about the struggle of the last three weeks. Not to worry anyone, this has nothing to do with Danny and I's relationship.

Today my grandma Patricia Jean (Knowles) Legard passed away. She has fought with Alzheimer's for years and in a beautiful way today she became free. My grandpa made the tough decision to honor her living will. So the last three weeks have been a slow decline where my family has gathered to make her as comfortable as possible until she was ready to go. The time she had left was broken into shifts so everyone got a chance to have their moments with her. She gave us good time to see her and let us get what we wanted to say out. I took the late night shifts with my Dad. I spent that time singing to her, creepy mousing her arm (one of my grandma's specialties) and telling her I loved her. Those are the things I remember most about my grandmother. 

Not only was I named after this incredible women. I was blessed to spend a lot of time with her. My family has always stayed together, and she is the main cause of that. I had a unique childhood in that a lot of the time I was sent in many different directions. I always knew I had love. Going to my Grandpa and Grandma's house was my constant. It was one place I always knew I belonged and was loved. Because my grandparents are the simply wonderful and would never leave me feeling anything else than blessed. To a little girl with a confusing world, that meant more than anything else.

I have so many great memories with this women. She and I would sing and dance around the house. She taught me to bake, which is one of my favorite hobbies. She creepy moused my back with her fingers, something I passed on to Danny when we first started dating. She would let me drive the cart at the grocery store, even though I couldn't see over it. She played Aladdin with me. She taught me how to blow a bubble in gum. She made the best hot cakes. She cried when I told her I was joining the Army in the eighth grade. She took us boating and made the best boating cookies and other treats. She loved Bingo and bowling. She came to every school or sporting event her grandchildren had. And the most important thing she taught me was to love. She loved my Grandpa, her children, grand children and great grandchildren unconditionally. She carefully gardened her family into something amazing. 

I even think she is the one who taught me to be as sassy as I am. And to pull my dad's toes when he is misbehaving.

The hard part for me is that she wont be there for my wedding. She never (consciously) met Danny. She will never get to hold my children. She is such an important part of my life and she is no longer with us. I do know that she will never be gone though, I will keep her stories alive, so will our family. 

I was at work when I got the call that her heart rate had dropped and the nurses didn't believe she would be alive longer than a half an hour. I tried to send her a thought or a hope or prayer in her last moments but the kids at work were being their normal selves and required much of my attention. I was emotional and occupied, I couldn't get a thought across. About 7 minutes later the call came that she had passed away. The kids at work were so close to me they could hear the person on the other end. I was numb. One girl kept telling me I was so brave to stay at work when my grandma died. Another girl asked me when I would get to see her again. Even through all this I kept it together. I still feel numb but being with my family has definitely helped. I will miss my grandma tremendously but I will feel her everyday. 

My grandparents on their wedding day, 63 years ago!

Grandparents at their 40th wedding anniversary

My grandparents with me on Easter

My grandma's shoes that my grandpa gave me, they fit!

Day 244

I have been told that I have been sucking it up at blogging. Which has totally been true. 

After waiting three months, my mom and I found out that my dress deal was a scam. It is sad to think that I fell for it, the website looked so legit. It is also sickening to think that someone would pray on someone in the midst of planning such an important day. Bummer deal for me. However, I have some good support and to lift my spirits (and to find a dress) a wedding dress trip was planned. My cousin drove all the way down from Wenatchee to be there, which was a wonderful treat. My second mom Tona was also able to come, which was awesome because she didn't hear about the appointment until the morning of it. My mom got sick so she wasn't able to come. 

I am a bit shy so the idea of trying dresses on and coming out to show everyone was a bit unnerving. Plus I wasn't feeling well, but I was ready to have my dress, or at least an idea of what I wanted. I must say, I didn't have a panic attack, the whole experience was actually quite fun. Not to mention a successful trip because I walked out of the store with my wedding dress in hand. There were about five dresses in the end that were making my decision difficult. But I knew that it (my dress) was the one.

It is beautiful, sleeveless ivory dress. I did not think I would end up going sleeveless and even played around with the idea of adding sleeves to some of the dresses. In the end the dress I choose just looked best simple as it was. The dress is longer in the bodice section, which is flattering for my height. It is also embroidered with lace. About at my hips the dress transforms from fitted lace to free flowing tulle fabric. Which is perfect for our beach wedding. I couldn't be happier with it! I don't want to post pictures of me in the dress, however I will include some of just the dress. 

The next day I woke up feeling miserable so I made an appointment to see my doctor. It turns out I had influenza. By the way, the manner in which this sickness is tested for is absurd. Basically, they stuck a giant q tip up my nose until it bled and I'm pretty sure they were very close to poking at my eye! Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if I would have known what was going to happen but it was terrible. I was crying and almost threw up on the nurse. 

My doctor told me that I should be out of work and school for two weeks. I was flabbergasted. Luckily she gave me a note excusing me for proof that I wasn't just being a slacker. There was no way I could afford (academically and financially) to be out for two weeks so I was trying to take it a day at a time. I was house and puppy sitting for my cousin Cristy while she got to Disney world. Her puppy Geezer really seemed to like the all day company, as boring as it probably was for him. I didn't realize how sick I was until i noticed that my heart was pounding from just walking across the room. I didn't eat, I was dehydrated, my whole body was weak. I ended up taking the full week off, but I had to return the second week and boy did I feel exhausted. 


Danny and I started looking at shoes to begin finishing up our ensembles. Truthfully I have no idea what wedding shoes are supposed to be. Danny was decisive when it came to his, we picked them out just haven't purchased them yet. As for mine I began looking online but really wasn't finding anything impressive. Then I got a crazy idea.











Years ago I bought these shoes I was in love with. I drove all over the tri-cities looking for the right size and color. My intentions were to wear them to a new year eve party. This happened to be the new years eve party where Danny and I realized we were more than just friends. Not intentionally, I just haven't worn them since- no occasion special enough. They are a sparkly champagne color. I still need to try them on with my dress to make sure they look alright but I love the idea of wearing them. 

My mom bought us a wedding planning notebook. Which we needed, because I was beginning to feel overwhelmed with how disorganized we were. Thank you mom!

Next month we are going to the Oregon Coast to visit our venue and vendors. I am actually really excited because that means we get to go to the beach! Lovely! I am also working on the invitations now. Flower ideas too. Nothing concrete to share there though

We have had a lot of birthday's since the last time I shared too. My dads, my grandpa's, my step dad's, and Danny's! Since he is going to be a teacher, Danny likes to dress the part when he is on his days off. It is sweet, and perfect eye candy for me! He is so handsome. He only had one tie which I bought him last year for his birthday. So this year I stepped up and got him a few more to add to his collection. I also got him a monogrammed tie bar. I love how they turned out. I decided we would get these for the groomsmen and our dads for the wedding. I came home early from work and cooked up a stuffed sweet potato, we eat a lot of them! I was surprised it turned out so well. I also made Danny's favorite type of cake, it was a Hawaiian carrot cake with coconut cream cheese frosting. The only thing that could have made it better was if I would have added walnuts, I should have went with my gut! I got all dolled up for him. We had a good evening together and he loved his gifts! Danny got to celebrate his birthday for a week with different groups of family. He is like a king! I'm so glad other people can see how wonderful he is and want to celebrate him! 

Before the super bowl we did a poll at work to see who the kids wanted to win. It was fun to see them getting excited. However, they really wanted the teachers to put in their opinion too. I told them the only reason I care about the super bowl was because Beyonce would be the half time show. The next day I came in to find my sticky note, those little germs are too funny!







Speaking of work, this week one of the kids moved away in a very emotional family situation.  I have known this particular kid for 5 years, he went to the first childcare center I worked at and then we always seemed to move together. Anyway, this child has been in my life since he was three years old. Not to mention he has such a personality and looking back on it he was always in trouble or up to something. Those are the kids that stick with you. On his last day I read him Dr. Suess's Oh the places you will go, it is one of my favorite books to read to kids. We both choked up during it.  I have seen kids come and go all the time, you would think I would be used to it by now. The truth is, it never gets any easier. This kid is fantastic and my days will not be the same without the boy who told me I could call him Boogers!