Day 185

My grandma's service was about a week after her death. It was bittersweet. Though I thought my cousin Holly did a wonderful playing the piano. She made a medley of lots of different songs. It was beautiful, i had been avoiding certain songs after my grandma passed away, and actually Holly played most of them. She played Let it Be by the Beatles which are one of my favorite bands. This is the point where I started crying, I guess I wasn't expecting the song. She also played Hallelujah which is one song that just kept creeping into my thoughts in the week between. My other cousin Cristy wrote the eulogy. I think she did a wonderful job as well. It would have been hard to write something meaningful but not too long then read it in a room of people who are sad without getting emotional. My grandpa definitely asked the right person to do the job, Cristy is very good at being objective. 

There were some things about the memorial that bothered me, but it could be because I was overly sensitive given the circumstances. 

At the end of the day of the memorial, as we were taking off our nice clothes and climbing into bed, Danny told me he wished he would have made his move on me sooner, so he could have been in the family sooner. "Your grandma sounds like an incredible person, like someone i've never known anyone to be like, she is someone I would have very much liked to meet." Bittersweet. 

Day 191

This post will not be about the wedding, instead it will be about the struggle of the last three weeks. Not to worry anyone, this has nothing to do with Danny and I's relationship.

Today my grandma Patricia Jean (Knowles) Legard passed away. She has fought with Alzheimer's for years and in a beautiful way today she became free. My grandpa made the tough decision to honor her living will. So the last three weeks have been a slow decline where my family has gathered to make her as comfortable as possible until she was ready to go. The time she had left was broken into shifts so everyone got a chance to have their moments with her. She gave us good time to see her and let us get what we wanted to say out. I took the late night shifts with my Dad. I spent that time singing to her, creepy mousing her arm (one of my grandma's specialties) and telling her I loved her. Those are the things I remember most about my grandmother. 

Not only was I named after this incredible women. I was blessed to spend a lot of time with her. My family has always stayed together, and she is the main cause of that. I had a unique childhood in that a lot of the time I was sent in many different directions. I always knew I had love. Going to my Grandpa and Grandma's house was my constant. It was one place I always knew I belonged and was loved. Because my grandparents are the simply wonderful and would never leave me feeling anything else than blessed. To a little girl with a confusing world, that meant more than anything else.

I have so many great memories with this women. She and I would sing and dance around the house. She taught me to bake, which is one of my favorite hobbies. She creepy moused my back with her fingers, something I passed on to Danny when we first started dating. She would let me drive the cart at the grocery store, even though I couldn't see over it. She played Aladdin with me. She taught me how to blow a bubble in gum. She made the best hot cakes. She cried when I told her I was joining the Army in the eighth grade. She took us boating and made the best boating cookies and other treats. She loved Bingo and bowling. She came to every school or sporting event her grandchildren had. And the most important thing she taught me was to love. She loved my Grandpa, her children, grand children and great grandchildren unconditionally. She carefully gardened her family into something amazing. 

I even think she is the one who taught me to be as sassy as I am. And to pull my dad's toes when he is misbehaving.

The hard part for me is that she wont be there for my wedding. She never (consciously) met Danny. She will never get to hold my children. She is such an important part of my life and she is no longer with us. I do know that she will never be gone though, I will keep her stories alive, so will our family. 

I was at work when I got the call that her heart rate had dropped and the nurses didn't believe she would be alive longer than a half an hour. I tried to send her a thought or a hope or prayer in her last moments but the kids at work were being their normal selves and required much of my attention. I was emotional and occupied, I couldn't get a thought across. About 7 minutes later the call came that she had passed away. The kids at work were so close to me they could hear the person on the other end. I was numb. One girl kept telling me I was so brave to stay at work when my grandma died. Another girl asked me when I would get to see her again. Even through all this I kept it together. I still feel numb but being with my family has definitely helped. I will miss my grandma tremendously but I will feel her everyday. 

My grandparents on their wedding day, 63 years ago!

Grandparents at their 40th wedding anniversary

My grandparents with me on Easter

My grandma's shoes that my grandpa gave me, they fit!

Day 244

I have been told that I have been sucking it up at blogging. Which has totally been true. 

After waiting three months, my mom and I found out that my dress deal was a scam. It is sad to think that I fell for it, the website looked so legit. It is also sickening to think that someone would pray on someone in the midst of planning such an important day. Bummer deal for me. However, I have some good support and to lift my spirits (and to find a dress) a wedding dress trip was planned. My cousin drove all the way down from Wenatchee to be there, which was a wonderful treat. My second mom Tona was also able to come, which was awesome because she didn't hear about the appointment until the morning of it. My mom got sick so she wasn't able to come. 

I am a bit shy so the idea of trying dresses on and coming out to show everyone was a bit unnerving. Plus I wasn't feeling well, but I was ready to have my dress, or at least an idea of what I wanted. I must say, I didn't have a panic attack, the whole experience was actually quite fun. Not to mention a successful trip because I walked out of the store with my wedding dress in hand. There were about five dresses in the end that were making my decision difficult. But I knew that it (my dress) was the one.

It is beautiful, sleeveless ivory dress. I did not think I would end up going sleeveless and even played around with the idea of adding sleeves to some of the dresses. In the end the dress I choose just looked best simple as it was. The dress is longer in the bodice section, which is flattering for my height. It is also embroidered with lace. About at my hips the dress transforms from fitted lace to free flowing tulle fabric. Which is perfect for our beach wedding. I couldn't be happier with it! I don't want to post pictures of me in the dress, however I will include some of just the dress. 

The next day I woke up feeling miserable so I made an appointment to see my doctor. It turns out I had influenza. By the way, the manner in which this sickness is tested for is absurd. Basically, they stuck a giant q tip up my nose until it bled and I'm pretty sure they were very close to poking at my eye! Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if I would have known what was going to happen but it was terrible. I was crying and almost threw up on the nurse. 

My doctor told me that I should be out of work and school for two weeks. I was flabbergasted. Luckily she gave me a note excusing me for proof that I wasn't just being a slacker. There was no way I could afford (academically and financially) to be out for two weeks so I was trying to take it a day at a time. I was house and puppy sitting for my cousin Cristy while she got to Disney world. Her puppy Geezer really seemed to like the all day company, as boring as it probably was for him. I didn't realize how sick I was until i noticed that my heart was pounding from just walking across the room. I didn't eat, I was dehydrated, my whole body was weak. I ended up taking the full week off, but I had to return the second week and boy did I feel exhausted. 


Danny and I started looking at shoes to begin finishing up our ensembles. Truthfully I have no idea what wedding shoes are supposed to be. Danny was decisive when it came to his, we picked them out just haven't purchased them yet. As for mine I began looking online but really wasn't finding anything impressive. Then I got a crazy idea.











Years ago I bought these shoes I was in love with. I drove all over the tri-cities looking for the right size and color. My intentions were to wear them to a new year eve party. This happened to be the new years eve party where Danny and I realized we were more than just friends. Not intentionally, I just haven't worn them since- no occasion special enough. They are a sparkly champagne color. I still need to try them on with my dress to make sure they look alright but I love the idea of wearing them. 

My mom bought us a wedding planning notebook. Which we needed, because I was beginning to feel overwhelmed with how disorganized we were. Thank you mom!

Next month we are going to the Oregon Coast to visit our venue and vendors. I am actually really excited because that means we get to go to the beach! Lovely! I am also working on the invitations now. Flower ideas too. Nothing concrete to share there though

We have had a lot of birthday's since the last time I shared too. My dads, my grandpa's, my step dad's, and Danny's! Since he is going to be a teacher, Danny likes to dress the part when he is on his days off. It is sweet, and perfect eye candy for me! He is so handsome. He only had one tie which I bought him last year for his birthday. So this year I stepped up and got him a few more to add to his collection. I also got him a monogrammed tie bar. I love how they turned out. I decided we would get these for the groomsmen and our dads for the wedding. I came home early from work and cooked up a stuffed sweet potato, we eat a lot of them! I was surprised it turned out so well. I also made Danny's favorite type of cake, it was a Hawaiian carrot cake with coconut cream cheese frosting. The only thing that could have made it better was if I would have added walnuts, I should have went with my gut! I got all dolled up for him. We had a good evening together and he loved his gifts! Danny got to celebrate his birthday for a week with different groups of family. He is like a king! I'm so glad other people can see how wonderful he is and want to celebrate him! 

Before the super bowl we did a poll at work to see who the kids wanted to win. It was fun to see them getting excited. However, they really wanted the teachers to put in their opinion too. I told them the only reason I care about the super bowl was because Beyonce would be the half time show. The next day I came in to find my sticky note, those little germs are too funny!







Speaking of work, this week one of the kids moved away in a very emotional family situation.  I have known this particular kid for 5 years, he went to the first childcare center I worked at and then we always seemed to move together. Anyway, this child has been in my life since he was three years old. Not to mention he has such a personality and looking back on it he was always in trouble or up to something. Those are the kids that stick with you. On his last day I read him Dr. Suess's Oh the places you will go, it is one of my favorite books to read to kids. We both choked up during it.  I have seen kids come and go all the time, you would think I would be used to it by now. The truth is, it never gets any easier. This kid is fantastic and my days will not be the same without the boy who told me I could call him Boogers! 

Day 295

Hello,

I forgot to mention that I started another blog. It is called "Occipital Adventures" and can be accessed by the text link. In short, it is blog with a daily picture taken by myself to improve my photography skills. It is just a hobby but I feel like I need one that isn't as fattening as my baking adventures. No worries to my Dad, Danny and Eren.....tricia treats will still be cultivated! :)

I noticed I forgot to mention how blessed our holiday season was this year. We were faced with a choice, we could use our money to get one another gifts or we could spend that money on others. In keeping with the Christmas spirit we decided that we would rather spoil others than ourselves. We still weren't able to do much but I put my heart into several homemade Christmas gifts. 

Our charlie brown Christmas tree
it couldn't even hold ornaments! 

Truthfully I did not get into the Christmas spirit until I was blown away by the kindness of others. Let me explain. I get the opportunity to work with children everyday at a before and after school program. I get to teach them and in turn, I am taught by them. This is the reason why I love my job. However, there are some aspects I don't love. For example, the particular schools I work for have a larger ratio of low income families. This means I work with several single moms and dads or grandma's and grandpa's who are trying to do what they can for these children. 

Anyway, at the beginning of the school year we had a little girl start attending and from the moment she began she became one of our own. I don't feel comfortable posting much about the story, as the history is not mine to tell. I will say it is a situation that i find heartbreaking and she is raised by her single dad. As well all know, raising a child is hard enough, but the men and women who do it without direct support are incredible. 

One night, in a venting way I explained to my mom the heartbreak I have for all my families during the trying holiday season, especially "Rose". Being a women of action, my mom set out to do what she could to help. At a holiday poker party she told some friends about what her plans were to help this little family. Before the night was over they all wanted in. I made estimates for sizes and ideal gifts for "Rose" and her dad and they were off. 

I wanted to clear this with Dad first because I was feeling uneasy. I didn't want him to feel offended or step on any toes. I waited for him to drop off and quietly asked if this donation would be a problem. "Rose" must have heard me say something about gifts because she very softly approached me and placed her hand on my back then in the most sure way a child could explain she said "miss tricia, it really isnt about the presents."

From that moment on, my insecurities were eased. My mom and her friends raised over $500 in toys, clothes and gift certificates for "rose" and her dad. This was done in a few days. Not only did they put in their money but all the gifts were selected by the donaters, which means they invested time and thought into this family. 

On the day the exchange was going to take place I was so excited. To the point where I was pacing. I had not seen the presents only pictures of them. "Rose" did not know what was going on, she was blind to it all. Dad showed up very close to closing and I promptly called my mom to arrive. When all the gifts were transferred into their car I glanced out the window to see this man embrace my mom with astonishment. From what she told me he kept asking her "is this the last of them" after each bag full of gifts was moved, to which she promptly responded "no, there is still more." 

I haven't seen this family since Christmas, as the kids are still on winter break. I am excited to talk to "Rose" and find out what she has to say. Isn't this amazing? In a matter of days these people were able to give their hard earned money to others who could really use it. I know this child and in my mind I can imagine her excitement to receive such gifts and to me that was the best gift of all. My grinchy heart grew 3 sizes that day and I am thankful to all those who helped out. 

I want to give a special thanks to my mom for organizing it all. She took my worries about a family and turned it around with her (and her friends generosity).  All she would talk about for those days was what she was getting "Rose." This was just one of the four families my mom supported for Christmas this year. What a great lesson she taught my sister and I. I am proud of my mom and all of the people who help when and where they can.  I would like to share some quotes from my own personal hero's that I find so incredibly relevant to this story along with some random photos from this holiday season! 

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”

—	Mother Teresa

“And, in the end 
The love you take 
is equal to the love you make.”

—	Paul McCartney

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”

—	Dalai Lama

“Make love, take love, but you should give love. And try to live love.”

—	George Harrison

Our mantle all lit up

Black tree 

Table we have been wanting for a long time
 along with the wall art a couple cousins got us! 

Wreath my mom made for us

Wreath I made for Danny's sister Angela, we eventually
got a monogrammed ornament for their family. 

Wreath I made for Danny's mom

Bottle of wine I decorated for Danny's
Dad and step mom

Wreath I made for Tona, the ornament in the middle says
joy to the world!

Day 297

Welcome 2013! 

Well we rang in the new year with our baby girl Eren. Danny and I were going to have our special date on 1/1/13 but we were feeling the effects from our night before. Basically we spent the day dreaming of mashed potatoes and watching Its always Sunny in Philadelphia. Even today, I am still feeling pretty ill. Winter quarter started and I sat through my classes with a migraine, then I almost threw up on the bus ride home. 

As for wedding related items we purchased our cupcake liners. The cupcakes Angela is making are beautiful all by themselves, honestly. We thought if we worried to much about the design of each individual cupcake we would be detracting from them in other ways. So we compromised on these liners. They have the beachy theme without being too in your face. Not to mention they fit the chic, vintage, beachy, bohemian or whatever style we seem to be liking more and more. Now we have to get the brown paper cupcake huger (as i like to call them) to use for the actual baking. 

Peace and Love in the new year!

Day 299

Last week we went over to Danny's dad's house to visit for Christmas. I was speaking with them about different ideas we had for the wedding when I told them about how I would need photos of Danny as a child.

Within an instant Jeff had three huge binders out full of old photographs. I was so impressed and tickled to finally get a chance to see what Danny looked like when he was younger. I already have two photos from when he was very little. I kept them because he looks just like baby Frasier Crane (anyone remember Cheers and Frasier, they were some of my favorites)! 

I thought it couldn't get much cuter than this, however, it totally did! Remember I am going to be putting photos of both of us at the same age on different tables. I have already started putting these in pair based off our ages, but some are too cute not to share anyway. Also, I am waiting for my parents to get back to me with photos from my childhood. The ones I have are quite limited. 

Disclaimer: These are photos of photos, for the wedding I will scan the photos so they will be more true to form. 

Danny and Tricia learning to crawl

Danny and Tricia at one years old, same hair cut! 

First birthdays, we both seem to be obsessed with fire

Acting special

These are just some other photos that were fun for me to share from Danny's dad photo albums. This one particularly because it is of Danny and his sister Angela!