I write to get my emotions out, usually in the form of letters I will never send. Here is yet another one of those instances to the jerk of the week.
To the shadows of friends we once knew:
Though I will never fully understand your motives against our hopes, I will say that I hear your cries and will not alter my courage to your demands. Despite the best efforts we will not stop loving each other or ourselves. We never intended to hurt anyone and I am exhausted of fighting my own grief for blame of words I never spoke. The self entitled job to love everyone and everything comes with its burdens and I have felt them silently until now when my anger fills the spaces in my heart and I can no longer promise solidarity.
I have given friendship with the most honest intentions and in return my name is slandered? Forgive me, but this is not companionship. We were supposed to be friends, no matter the distance. People who genuinely cared for one another. But now i’m just a vagina that ruined other peoples relationships. No one is willing to stand up and say what happened was wrong?
But some how I am still standing up for you. I am protecting you against all the people who want to defend my honor, because in my heart I still see your goodness. My grace and rage are fighting a battle inside. My heart is saying let those who have my best interests at heart teach some manners, but my head is promoting peace. How dare you attempt to abuse my name and try to destroy my dignity in the name of your shallow gain. Yes I have had mistakes and I will be the first one to draw upon them, because I have learned my lessons the long way, and i’m not ashamed of who I am. Are you?
Your pettiness has surprised me. Take lessons from mine and learn how a real man treats a lady. Perhaps you wont be alone then.
Thank you for showing me the strength of the people around me and reminding me that all my efforts are being carefully gardened.
Best of luck
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